Someone save me. I hate it here
i am literally fucking done dealing with people at this goddamn college. like honestly, you’re so fucking full of yourself. all you do is talk about yourself, your family, or some bull shit on twitter. “oh my gosh i can’t believe justin bieber did this! can you? if i was him i wouldnt be able to. that’s crazy!” um can you shut the fuck up. like oh my god, i can’t believe one of my bestfriends didn’t text me happy birthday until noon. like she had all morning, i was starting to get worried that she forgot that it was my birthday. oh my god. be happy that you even got a goddamn birthday wish. like you got these bitches sending you paragraphs, and you’re bitching that she sent you just a two lined wish? you spoiled little shit. these people fucking cling to each other because they’re pussies. like yeah, i cling to people when i don’t want to be alone, but they are literally just glued to eachother. omg. i can’t rant enough about these people because they do little things that just piss me off TO NO END. its a fucking dick move when you just leave me in the library alone to fucking go eat lunch together and didn;t even tell me. and you guys both fucking know that i was there. so um, fuck you. and your high-end needs. and um, BYE. like fucking honestly, no one fucking cares about your twitter shit about your shit ass celebrity drama. or your fucking family. and how theyre “crazy” and how you fucking think that youre “weird” and your parents call you “boring,” trust me, you don’t know how accurate your parents are. take their word for it, you boring brat. your stories are boring with no plot. why don’t you just kill me instead. so we can add a climax and make it a future story for you to tell your friends. “omg, i once told a story to this one girl and she killed herself because it was so boring” its understandable. atleast people will be more interested then. and um, fuck you and your prissy self. you think im crabby? hahah, no. im so done with dealing with people that can’t handle some harsh words. oh my gosh im so hurt that yukie said that. “HOLY SHIT YOU CALLED HIM A PUSSY?!” yes, what about it? “omg yukie, that’s harsh.” I KNOW ITS GODDAMN HARSH. but people need to fucking deal with it. i am me, and there’s no other version of me. if you can’t fucking handle it, then fucking remove yourself frmo my presence and, do me a favor, don’t return. you honestly asked me to see my secret rant tumblr? are you fucking kidding me? do you honestly think that i would let you see my thoughts? lets fucking think here… no. “she probably talks shit about us” yes, yes i do. because you know why? you’re all highended, self absorbed, dust collecting brats.
secondly, fucking fuck off my fucking personal space ok. i have no intentions of getting close to you anymore after you fucking act like a cocky asshole. i gave you a chance, not the fucking other way around. i shouldn’t be priviledged to hang around you judigng byt the fucking way you act towards me. dont act like you’re so fucking cool when you’re not. sorry not sorry. but no one acts like you. if you want fucking friends stop overpowering them with your opinions and actions. because quite honestly, that’s the reasons why i decided to not give two shits about you anymore. you act like you know all this shit and its “so easy” yet you cant fucking pass a physics exam and i can? wow, so much for knowing a lot. right? you have no sense of that level of respect to give to people. you can’t just force people into things and expect them to do it, are you fucking kidding? i work at my own pace, and you can fucking suck on that shit if you don’t like it. like how creepy can you even get? you fucking follow me all the way down the library LITERALLY right behind me? the fuck even? and you continue to sit near me and bother me when im attempting to study for calc? um, cool. yeah. i bet “calc 1 is easy” that i should try “calc 2” right? why don’t you go fuck yourself.
i need fucking help. i’ve been ranting to so many people about it and i think that its solved. but then i start thinking about him again and it just makes me want to take my brain out. how the fuck can one week have so many problems? there’s not even so many problems. its just one big fucking problem. i’m so hypocritical because i told him that some things are meant to be covered up, yet here i am letting the same shit bother me for the past week. but here’s the story, there’s this kid that i met in college and he seemed pretty cool so i started talking to him. little did i know that he’d be a huge fucking burden on my shoulders. i’ve never felt so stressed and confused in my life. i’m just kidding i have before, but this shit doesn’t feel so good anyway. ok, so it first started when we would be in physics, cus this kid’s in my physics class. (he’s also in my history class, but we don’t really talk cus the teacher’s talking the entire time and its quiet as fuck, anyways…) we started talking in physics class, and once we talked for the entire hour because we were talking about the mayan ruins, china, the terracotta soldiers, etc. and then we just started to chill outside of class, like before or after class. and it was all good. until he started getting all clingy and gross…. like i can be clingy and gross but what the fuck? we just literally started to know each other and here this guy is, trying to hang out with me every second of the fucking day. and at first i was like ok, maybe this is just white people custom, or how he is. because since i don’t know him that well that he just likes hanging out with people. so i would chill with him outside of class. so then he would tell me about himself, and how he is. and it was interesting at first until he got all dominative, if that’s even a word. he would talk to me like a little …i dont even fucking know because i’m not even about this sappy lifestyle. he talked to me all cute, i guess. and i was like um, ok. maybe this is just how he is. so i keep talking to him. and then he starts putting his arm around my waist and trying to get my glasses. and im like squealing and laughing like a little whore because it was ticklish and no one has ever done that to me before. and im like, ok. why the fuck are you touching me like that if you just want to see my glasses. and then he would like make me listen to all these indie songs, and shit that i don’t even like. because i’m about that sex, drugs, and dubstep lifestyle. just kidding, only dubstep. and he’s like oh my god, yukie. you should try to be deep once in a while, because he’s all about the deep lyrics, and i’m just about those weird ass sounds. and then he tells me how he’s a hopeless romanticist, and im like so am i. and he just starts getting all close and clingy to me. like the fuck, are you even normal. and he constantly wants me to hang out with him. and he tells me the weirdest shit like “i think its cute that you don’t like getting rejected” “i think its cute that blahblah if that’s not too weird to say” and im like no its not, thinking that sometimes friends do that. because i know that some of my friends do that and we’re still friends. but this guy is just like, twat da fuq even???? and then he starts talking about deep things because he’s a deep person. and he tells me about how he likes to live his life off of building relationships with people and how it doesnt have to be so intense. like how he feels closer to me, steph, and chubchub just because we hung out. and i’m like ok, that’s cool. and i’m like my life is based off of the little things, like laughing at the dumbest shit, being a dumb shit, just you know, having fun being weird. and then he tells me about how he’s made so many mistakes in his life, and he wishes he’d take them back (like duh, who doesn’t???) and he tells me about he wished that he was there for his older brother, to convince him to not do harder drugs. and that he’s in jail now for trying to rob a gas station. and i’m like ok, why would you even mourn over something that’s already done? you’re sitting here being a depressed shit wishing that you did this, but you didn’t. its pointless to do that if you can’t do shit about it. so you could just hope to do something once he gets out of jail. and he’s like “see this is the yukie that i think is amazing” and im like lol, because what the fuck am i supposed to reply to that? like thanks???? even though i should be amazing all the time? i dont fucking know. not to be cocky about it, but i just think that a friend shouldn’t think that you’re amazing only that time, but to be your friend because they just think you’re so great. and then he proceeds to ask me what my mistakes were,aas if we were playing this little game. he was like now that i told you my mistake, tell me yours. and im like um, ok. and i told him about the issue with that one guy in 10th grade, and he tells me another mistake, and then he’s like ok your turn. what the fuck? my turn, the fuck is this even. i never even agreed to this shit. and i was like, um, that’s aboutit. and he’s like you’re lucky, i ahve so many. and im like lol…. why the FUCK ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS TYPE OF SHIT ITS SO DEPRESSING. LIKE YOU’RE MAKING MY LIFE SO STRESSFUL WITH YOUR ISSUES. like why the fuck are you stuffing this shit down my throat when i don’t even want to deal with it in the first place. we just started actually talking like a week ago. and we’re already at this stage? you can’t fucking rush a friendship in a week and expect the person to be your bestfriend. like ok, you don’t have many friends. but maybe this is why you don’t have many because you expect all these things from people that they don’t want to do and then you just end up getting dissappointed. you just expect things in general, and you get all upset when they don’t do it. like sorry, i fell asleep at like 4 am after that mistake bull shit talk. and you text me the next day asking me why i left? because i fellt asleep? sorry? and hes like, why didnt you text me this morning? and im like, because i don’t like texting people. and hes like that’s stupid, its normal for friends to text each other blahblah. and i fucking flipped shit.
first of all, you can’t tell me SHIT on what i should do or not.
second of all, you can have your opinions on what i do or think, but you shouldn’t say them and expect me to fucking step out of my way from what i usually do just to make you happy. like yeah, friends should make you happy, but there are some things that you shouldn’t even bother with trying to change because that’s just one little characteristic about them. like, im fucking sorry that you constantly want to be baby’d and want attention, but i don’t want to fucking do it.
thirdly, this isn’t some fucking pity party where you tell me all your problems and expect me to listen through your life story and expect me to help you through it. like i have my own issues, you actually being one of them now, to deal with. you should be fucking grateful that i gave you my time, energy, and effort to try to make a change with how you feel about certain things. yet you sit here and try to tell me what YOU think about how I do MY shit. i do more than a new friend should even do. i set no boundaries between us so you could feel comfortable talking to me. the fuck kind of friend even does that that you just met?
fourthly (?), i thought i was an over-emotional bitch, but you, my “friend”, are way beyond. i get over emotional about little shit, yet you’re here being a complete puss over something that happened so long ago, and you STILL sit here moping about it. while i just get pissed for, at most a week, and then move on with my goddamn life. like, yes. i understand that something like your brother being into hard drugs and going to jail is huge. but seriously, what the fuck is the point in being a little emo pussy over something that you can’t even change. clearly, the only thing stopping you is yourself from moving on.
fifth, you just think so goddamn much, that you don’t even enjoy the little things. your life is all about meaning. while mine is about enjoying the smallest, dumbest things. fuck meaning, why don’t you just live for the moment? yes, im being hypocritical, but i am more living for the moment, than you are. while you’re just sitting here contemplating about life and its little issues,
6th, you assume that im that kind of friend that listens to all of your problems. yes, i can be that kind of friend. but you have to respect my thoughts and my space. which you don’t even do. you try to take over how i live my life with your stupid little opinions. you try to control me with your stupid shit about “i dont have many friends” “its normal for friends to do that” “you’ll still be here while i fix my issues right?” the fuck? what kind of normal friend even says that type of shit. you don’t make friends like that. and clearly you don’t know that.
i’m so done with dealing with shit like that. it changes who i am and i don’t fucking like that. not to sound selfish, but i like who/how i am. and i’ll change to my own comfort. tyty.
you act like its so surprising for someone to be a bitch to someone else when in reality, its not. just because people act normal around you, it doesn’t mean that they’re entirely comfortable with you. when i become a bitch, it means that i can show that side of me that i’m not willing to show anyone else. because i’m that exact same person when you were a stranger to me, but i don’t express as much if you’re not really anything to me.
with whatever it is, i’ll say something about it. my emotions are more amped up compared to others’. or maybe i just express it more than others’. just because i’m a bitch it doesn’t mean that i actually hate you. it just means that it pulled on my nerves. does it make me a bitch when i stay true to myself? i just release the steam.
i don’t mean to hurt people around me because it definitely shouldn’t be that way. but i know that it makes some sort of an impact on that person, but i don’t want them to take it in in that way.